Many of you, women, write to me, befuddled by the same questions:
1). Why am I not getting my NEEDS met? Why doesn’t he SEE me? Why doesn’t he VALUE me as much as his personal pursuits and aspirations?
2). Does he want a mommy or a girlfriend?
3). Why doesn’t he take time to explore my body and put his energy into me? Does he even know how to touch a woman?
4). Everything started out wonderful on adultfrienedfinder and when reality set in there’s all these issues. He’s not who I thought he was. Why is his idea of himself in conflict with how he behaves?
5). Why can’t he own his shit, take responsibility, or see his part in this?
6). Why do I value self-growth and he doesn’t, or he says he does but it’s all ego based or there’s emotional/spiritual bypassing going on?
7). Why doesn’t he honor me?
8). Why do I see his potential and then get trapped in where he is? It’s like I am having a relationship with two people.
9). Why is it so hard for him to want to do the right thing? Can’t men, just for once, fucking once, WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING WITHOUT US USHERING THEM TOWARD IT?
10). Why am I in my masculine, because he defaults into his feminine? Or why isn’t his masculine activating?
11). Why am I schooling him? I want a man and a partner, not a child I have to parent.
12). What do I do? Is there any hope? Should I just leave his ass and start using thrusting vibrators? If I stay and show him how much I care, won’t he wake up?
Any of these ring true?
Let me pause for a moment and say out loud, “Sister, you and every other woman on the planet, has asked these questions at one time or another.”
The percentage of the population of women who deal with this shit is so staggering, it’s rare you find a woman who says, “Yeah, my man, he’s so on top of his shit, I don’t want for a thing.”
Maybe in some parrallel reality, but HERE… where men’s behaviors reflect these questions, this reality is fairly universal.
THE QUESTION OF ALL QUESTIONS
While all these questions are paramount to understanding the quandry of men and common themes in men’s issues, the kind of man you attract is a reflection of how well you know, love and value yourself.
A lot of you, women, are in the process of getting to know who you are, what you want, and what you will and won’t compromise. Some of you have no idea what lurks in your unconscious, what you haven’t healed out from your past, and how every man you date is pointing to something you need to wake up to inside yourself.
When a man’s issues arise and you are confronted with how it makes you feel, look beyond what he’s doing and go into what you actually feel about it. If you can talk to him about what you experience and feel received then you can get somewhere. If you can’t talk to him about it then you need to stop attracting men who can’t give you what you need to grow a relationship. It’s that simple, but for the majority of you, you make it so complicated, when really ladies… you don’t need to make relating so hard.
For those of you tired of these questions, the number one question you need to be asking yourself when looking for a partner is: DOES THIS MAN VALUE EMOTIONAL GROWTH?
If a man doesn’t value emotional growth, if he’s never looked at his unconscious mind, and begun to heal his shadow shit, it’s your headache.
Many of you might be thinking, really Kelly, really, that’s the number one question? How the hell can I tell if man values emotional growth when it’s so easy for men to feed me lip service and put his best foot forward, especially in the beginning when everything is hot and new?
Gurl, you are deeply intuitive and YOU CAN TELL.
You’ve sensed it the whole damn time. You just haven’t been listening to your inner masculine. The voice of reason, knowledge and intellect— who is screaming: something is not right, this shit is fucked up, get OUT. Your masculine is the part of you that IS ALWAYS COMMUNICATING YOUR TRUTH TO YOU. But you don’t listen. You’re so afraid of not getting your needs met or giving up what love and attention you have, that you are willing to sell yourself short just for a taste. You’d rather sell yourself short than be alone. You don’t want to feel the pain you have been in your whole life, so you run to him, like he’s the answer, when he’s just the face of your CHILDHOOD wounds.
In addition to not listening to YOUR INNER MASCULINE, you haven’t been listening to your INNER FEMININE either. The emotionally aware aspect of you, who is constantly telling you: you deserve better than this; you are worth more than this. She is the part of you who knows what love is and how YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE IT. She is the part of you that seeks HER VALUE. But you bury her too, because looking at your lack of value in the face means you have to own how you sell yourself short in the name of “LOVE” “ATTENTION” and “AFFECTION.”
No one is going to give you what you deserve if you don’t know your value.
So many of you are too eager to hand yourself over on a silver platter, without truly getting to know these men you fall for.