I’m a mama’s boy.
Not ashamed to admit it. But I am ashamed to admit one thing about it that I realized not too long ago.
It seems to me that a man who is really close to his mother, who loves her, and talks to her, and does everything he can to make her happy, should have some experience and ability to really communicate with women and know what does make them happy, right?
I mean, your mother is a woman. If she’s anything like mine, she’s a supportive, loving, interesting, complex woman who sees the world on a different skew than you do, and you should be gathering intel and figuring out this strange race just by being around her, right?
You’ve spent so much time with women that you should GET them, right?
Well, I didn’t.
It doesn’t make any damn sense at first. All that time you spend talking and just being around her, or an aunt, or a grandma, or a sister, or a female friend, that seems like spying on the other side. You’re snuck in behind enemy lines like a double-agent, listening in on the conversations, sharing the talks that most men never get to hear, maybe even hearing the stuff you don’t want to hear.
If this really were a war, like some guys call it, a war between the sexes, hell, you’d be the Allies breaking codes and getting all the secrets before the enemy knew you knew all their moves.
But it’s not a war. And women are not the enemy.
And being close to your mom, or sister, or friend, is just not the way to learn what women really want.
You know why?
Those women already love you just for who you are. They see the best side of you. They see the man that you always wished you could be, that you always knew you should be.
That’s why they say things like “I just don’t understand why you don’t be yourself. You’re such a great guy… any woman would be lucky to have you… you should be fighting them off with a stick!”
And those words, those well-meaning words, they echo in your head when you are waiting for the train on Monday morning, or standing in line for coffee Tuesday afternoon, or leaning against the wall of the bar Thursday night, as that girl you’ve been waiting to meet since you were old enough to want to meet girls goes walking on by.
Walking on by, slowly, and you watch. You say nothing. You know nothing to say. And she moves on, and you never take a chance.
You never even know if you had a chance.
The women in your life that you are close to already see the attractive parts of you because you are confident and comfortable enough to show them. It’s just the same as the way you are able to be fun and confident around friends. The pressure is off. You can relax and be who you really are. You can be funny, passionate about things you care about. You can play and goof around. You can make jokes and laugh easily.
You can be a magnet that draws other people into your fun.
And don’t tell me that’s not you, because I don’t give a damn how introverted or lonely or socially unskilled you think you are.
EVERYONE has someone that they feel comfortable around, and everyone has things to share that make others feel good around them.
I know, because I spent too many years of my life talking about geeky things with geeky friends thinking geeky thoughts, but having a great time doing it.
It was only once I learned the skills to be that comfortable with people I didn’t already know, and got to understand, and listen, and relate to things women were passionate about, that I broke my shell and started to see how my natural attractiveness could be trained and honed into a razor-sharp weapon of mass seduction at adultfrinendfinder.com login.
Here’s the trick, man. You are a mama’s boy. That’s why you are reading right now. Because as much as mama loves you, she can’t teach you how to be more of a confident MAN around women.
You only learn that from one place: a man.
All the guys who were closer to Dad, well I bet they don’t spend a whole lot of time reading about pickup. Chances are they got some good lessons and some great teaching early on, and are too busy GETTING GIRLS to read about getting girls.
They are the kind of guys who taught ME what I teach in Fearless First Impressions:
If you’re like me, you never had that chance. You weren’t the kid with the great role model sharing the secrets of the ages like some cool tribal ritual where they take you from the camp out in the woods and do something really gross and painful, then turn you loose and announcing to everyone, “this boy is now
Men need men to help them learn the skills. It’s not an instinctive thing. There are no naturals. All skills with women are learned skills.
So stop feeling like a failure because you didn’t learn them yet. It’s not you. Someone else failed you. You were supposed to get that training long ago.
You didn’t. But NOW is your chance to get it all in one weekend.